


Sensational

by Mirufey



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bullying, M/M, Memes, Tsuna is a living meme, Tsuna is petty af, Tsuna tries to become viral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 19:04:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15149810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirufey/pseuds/Mirufey
Summary: In a parallel world, Tsuna avoids being a mafia boss and still wins at life - by becoming an internet sensation. Reborn reluctantly tags along.





	Sensational

**Author's Note:**

> First published on 23 June 2018. Cross-posted from FFN.

The drama began on a bleak, wintry afternoon during Tsuna's trip home from school, when a man in bright purple sped down the road with an octopus around his waist. The guy, who was on a motorbike, was happily belting out a song, when he had the misfortune of turning into the wrong alley.

Everyone in Namimori knew that the Momokyokai Yakuza had set up camp in that area, and stayed clear unless they were either piss drunk or Hibari Kyouya, who collected taxes from them every Thursday. The poor guy was evidently from a different town and Tsuna felt a twinge of guilt for not warning him.

Nonetheless, Tsuna followed him to mouth of the alley, stopping and hiding behind a rubbish dump for self-preservation. He whipped out his phone, ready to call the ambulance. Five seconds in, the thugs had already surrounded the guy. They were all on motorbikes themselves, without helmets and grinning like predators at the sight of fresh meat.

"Hey, you!" the octopus guy yelled angrily, as if he wasn't in danger. He pulled off his helmet, revealing shocking purple hair and a chain linking his lip to his ear. "Get the hell out of my way!"

The guy had a pretty intimidating get-up with his leather bodysuit and motorbike, except he was stick thin and spoke in a squeaky, high-pitched voice. He also had a purple tear-shaped tattoo under his left eye, and...was that purple lipstick and eyeliner?

"Nice makeup," one of the thugs taunted, flashing him a feral grin as he stepped off his motorbike. The others doubled over with mocking laughter. "Has Princess come to play?"

Tsuna dialled 119, glancing at the scene nervously. But rather than getting the hell out of there, the guy merely huffed. "I order you to get out of Skull-sama's way!" he shouted, jabbing a finger at their faces and revealing his black nail polish. Then he checked out his reflection with his motorbike's side mirror. "And of course my makeup is on fleek - it's  _Kat Von D_ , you dumb fucks!"

The call connected. " _Fire department. Fire or ambulance?_ " the dispatcher asked.

The red octopus behind Skull began to inflate. Tsuna's eyes bulged. "A-Ambulance," he stammered into the phone, his heart racing as one of the thugs pulled out a knife. "T-There's a fight in Namimori, in the alleyway between Horiuchi and Machi. There are six men against one."

"Take that!" Skull shouted, cackling as his octopus grew to the size of a truck and unfurled its tentacles. It knocked the thugs onto the ground and proceeded to beat them to pulp. "Bow down to The Great Skull-sama! Go get them, Oodako-chan!"

Without further ado, Skull pulled on his helmet - which had an octopus design on it - and drove away, only to crash into a garage in a spectacular show of flames, the sound so deafening that Tsuna fell onto his rear.

" _FUUUUUUUUCK I'M ON FIIIIIREEEEEE!_ " Skull shrieked, rolling off his motorbike and onto the ground. Then he stood, seemingly unharmed, and kicked an unconscious thug off his motorbike. Finally, he reapplied his lipstick and drove off into the sunset with the octopus in tow, muttering something about his invincible tattoo liner.

Tsuna was left bewildered - he had no idea what had just happened but  _damn_ , the guy knew how to put on a show. If that been filmed, it would have definitely gone viral.

* * *

Reborn, who prided himself as the world's greatest hitman, was not in Namimori by choice. The Ninth had chosen this particular time to call in his favour, when Reborn would make his annual business trip to Mafia Island. So instead of testing out new guns on live human targets, he was stuck in the oak tree in front of Sawada Tsunayoshi's house with a pair of binoculars around his neck, watching the child pull his spiky brown hair out.

"I'm seeing things," the Vongola heir was saying to himself, over and over. Something about a gigantic octopus and purple lipstick, which made Reborn wonder what Skull was up to now that the Carcassa Family was excommunicated from Mafia Island.

Reborn questioned whether Timoteo had been serious about this child becoming a Vongola boss candidate. Prima facie, he appeared even less competent than Dino. Reborn was only supposed to observe Sawada Tsunayoshi and determine whether he was worth the Vongola's time, but spy work was something that should have been delegated to one of Iemitsu's agents.

After watching Tsuna pace around for ten minutes, Reborn withdrew his phone from his pocket. He scrolled through his messages, scowling at Colonello's beach selfies and photos of the latest firearms exhibition. He was about to send some petty insults to his colleague when there was a loud scream and the sound of a camera shutter.

"Why is there someone in my tree?" Tsuna shrieked, staring at him in horror.

Screw going incognito and observing from afar. If he could spook this child enough, Reborn could deem him to be unteachable and still make it to Mafia Island before his contacts returned to their home countries. He was getting sick of this small town anyway, and longed for the Pacific sun and a glass of pinot noir on a cruise liner.

Reborn leapt onto the ground in one smooth motion, brushing stray leaves off his suit. "My name is Reborn and I'm in the mafia," he said seriously. He held his hand out, waiting for Leon to transform into a gun. Except he'd forgotten how much his chameleon loved trees.

The proclamation seemed to pique Tsuna's interest. "What do you do?" the child asked, tilting his head.

"Well, I shoot-"

"You're perfect," Tsuna interrupted, grabbing Reborn's arm. He began dragging the hitman towards the house, ignoring the gun when Leon finally showed up. "I need you to shoot some videos for me. Consider yourself hired."

* * *

"Let me get this straight," Reborn said, taking his time sipping his coffee as Tsuna stepped back from this whiteboard, which had begun to resemble a link board used by detectives in mystery films. "You want to become a viral sensation on the internet. And you want  _my_  help."

Tsuna nodded enthusiastically. The idea had come to him shortly after witnessing Skull's confrontation with the Momokyokai Yakuza. It was just so inspiring that Skull was able to stand tall in the face of danger. And what excellent use of humour as well!

"So basically I come up with funny skits and photos of myself, and post them online," Tsuna explained. He pointed to the green text on the whiteboard. "These are the skits I'm going to do. I've got a video camera and the camera on my phone and can do the vlogs myself, but I need you to film my wilder stunts. We'll split the profits 30-70 in my favour, since I'll be writing the scripts and editing the videos."

"' _Cockblock Mochida by running naked between him and Kyoko-chan_ ,'" Reborn read out loud. He raised an eyebrow. "Is this Kyoko-chan a crush of yours?"

"She's the school idol. I normally don't interfere with relationships but Mochida is a real dick and I want to get back at him. But that's besides the point.  _Yes_ , I want to become an internet sensation, and for that to occur, we need something with  _wow-factor_. Something totally exceptional, shocking or extra. To become the best meme ever."

"What's a meme?"

Tsuna sighed deeply. "You're such an old man," he groaned, sinking into his seat. His throat felt scratchy. He wasn't used to talking so much in a single sitting, because never had any friends. "It's an image or video with humorous captions spread rapidly across the internet, often with slight variations. They've been around for decades, you know."

The plan itself was simple - they needed to wait for Mochida and Kyoko to be together, which was easy since Mochida waited for Kyoko at the school gates every afternoon. Then Tsuna had to pick out a pair of boxers - his lucky navy ones with yellow stars on them - because running around  _completely_ naked in public was probably illegal. The last and most important thing was to make sure his camera's battery and spare battery were fully charged.

"What else are you searching for?" Reborn questioned, appearing slightly concerned when Tsuna suddenly started pulling all the kitchen drawers out.

Tsuna grinned at him, revealing his mother's blowtorch. " _Fire_. Our video's gonna be so lit, man."

* * *

Reborn was back in a tree, this time armed with a video camera and fire extinguisher. A few branches above him, Tsuna was stripping down to his boxers. For someone who was extraordinarily clumsy, he seemed to be fine with heights. Perhaps it was his dormant Sky attribute, but its main sign - Hyper Intuition - had yet to manifest.

"You will catch a cold," he told Tsuna as tested the camera's zoom function. It was honestly kind of creepy stalking fourteen year old teenagers at a middle school as a grown man. Except Reborn had killed children before and some did require many hours of covert observation.

" _Fuck_ , it's freezing," Tsuna hissed out, emptying a can of hairspray over his unruly brown hair. Condensation filled the air before him. "Reckon the fire will keep me warm?"

"Sure." In fact, that was one of the dumbest ideas Reborn had ever heard. He wasn't going to complain if the kid wanted to burn himself to death though. As bizarre and amusing as his ambition to become an internet sensation was, Reborn really couldn't care less and just wanted to get this job over with, so he could get his hands on those sexy twin pistols Colonello had just sent him a photo of.

So they waited. Mochida was already zealously waiting for his the school idol with his cronies. To pass the time, Tsuna went on a long rant about every offence Mochida had committed against him. Reborn was only half-listening - he  _had_ to get that new gun collection when he got back, and that designer suit with diamond lining, or else people would die.

"Hey, move over," Tsuna whispered loudly, nudging Reborn's shoulder with his foot. "Kyoko's heading out. Three o'clock. Get the camera ready!"

With a sigh, Reborn tucked his phone away and switched the camera back on. He shifted aside, allowing the child to climb down. There was a low hum as the blowtorch unleashed a spray of blue flames. With a cheeky grin, the Vongola heir set his hair alight.

" _AAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHH FIIIIIIIREEEEEEE!_ " Tsuna screamed, charging towards the couple.

* * *

"So, things didn't go quite as smoothly as planned," Tsuna said to his phone camera the next day, whilst heading to school. "As you can see, the flames basically made me bald. I guess that's what you get for failing science class."

As he passed through the gates of Namimori Middle School, whispers of 'underwear man,' 'freak' and 'No-Good Tsuna' washed over him. Tsuna stuck out his tongue. There were clearly downsides to being a living meme, but overall it wasn't that much different to the usual treatment his peers gave him. What he did yesterday was a greater show of balls than any of them had ever seen!

A few of his classmates were definitely laughing at him. In particular, one tall black haired bully, who was storming towards Tsuna with a kendo shinai strapped to his back.

"This is Mochida Kensuke, an upperclassman and the captain of the school's kendo club," Tsuna introduced to his invisible vlog audience. "He's an asshole, by the way. I really should have set him on fire too."

Mochida crossed his arms and loomed over Tsuna. "Sawada Tsunayoshi," he growled ominously, his spit flying everywhere. "God may forgive you, but I won't!"

So that was how Tsuna ended up in the dojo, with the kendo team and a crowd of bloodthirsty spectators. Some of the guys helped him into his armour and tossed a shinai at him. Tsuna gloriously fell onto his ass whilst trying to catch it, and was planted on the ground due to the armour's weight until Mochida had to pull him up himself.

Nevertheless, there was a large window with trees outside, so Tsuna trusted that Reborn would be filming. He tested the shinai, grimacing at its weight, but still managed to wave it around like lightsaber, only cringing when his joints made horrible cracking noises.

Tsuna was quite ready to become a shiny, photogenic blood smear on the mats, when there was a flash of black in his periphery and a swarm of guys with pompadours flooded in, brandishing baseball bats and tennis rackets.

"Crowding is not permitted," Hibari Kyouya declared, glaring at everyone in the now-silenced room. "Leave, or I will bite you to death."

* * *

After a severe beating, Tsuna's phone was confiscated and his vlog was deleted by the Disciplinary Committee. Apparently it was against the school's policy to film the school and its students without authorisation. Students were also not permitted to bring mobile phones. Except Tsuna knew that all his female classmates took selfies in class anyway when the teacher wasn't looking.

He complained about this to Reborn as he brewed a pot of coffee that afternoon. His mother was cooking up a storm in the kitchen, delighted that her son had invited a friend - or rather, an employee - to stay with them. Reborn was still unfriendly and antisocial, but Tsuna was quick to realise that feeding him coffee made him more cooperative.

Which was evident when Reborn set the video camera onto the table without being asked to and connected the memory card to the computer. He'd managed to capture some decent footage too, although the audio was messed up. Tsuna supposed he could do some voice-overs and add in violent sound effects to fix that.

"Okay, I'll be editing this footage over the weekend," he announced, stroking his balding head. "I've illegally downloaded some editing software and there are heaps of tutorials out there. I'll figure it out. Somehow."

Reborn shrugged. "Low budget it is then."

"Lots of viral videos were filmed by phone cameras," Tsuna replied, chewing a cookie whilst deep in thought. "Although if my dad is missing for one more year, I'll be applying for probate on the presumption of his death. Surely he's left money in his will for my Mum, and maybe then I could persuade her to let me upgrade my tech."

The other man made a spitting sound. Tsuna snapped his head up, startled...only to witness Reborn  _laughing_ at him.

"What," Tsuna demanded with a huff. Reborn's smirk was sending shivers down his spine.

Reborn took his time finishing his coffee. "Iemitsu wouldn't know what hit him," he said at last, all too snidely. "I'd kill to see that happen."

* * *

Tsuna reasoned that if a ten year old boy yodelling at a department store can become a viral sensation overnight, get a record label and dominate global trending lists for weeks, then busking was definitely worth a shot. So after changing out of his school uniform and donning his mother's sunhat, Tsuna prepared to sing in public for the first time in his life.

He was in luck when he and Reborn made it to Namimori's plaza - a girl with a guitar had just left, opening up a prime position for busking by the fountain. Tsuna set down a handkerchief at his feet, flashed a thumbs up at Reborn, who had just set up the camera on a tripod, and began belting out his song.

He was probably there for about half an hour. Most shoppers ignored him, a group of elementary school kids insulted him, and a granny asked if was lost before giving him 100 yen. Nobody seemed to find his performance particularly good or bad, and Tsuna was about to give up when a pissed-off silver haired teenager in a black suit suddenly stopped in front of him.

The guy judged him for ten minutes, like a silent raging storm. Tsuna continued to sing the same obscure song over and over, feeling increasingly uncomfortable. He wondered what would snap first - his vocal cords or the guy's fuse.

Then without warning, the guy burst into tears.

Tsuna paused, unsure of what to do. The reaction had been so unexpected that it was actually terrifying. "Um, are you okay?" he asked nervously. He turned around to where Reborn had been filming, but the man had vanished. "Uh, I'm sorry - I think I've got a tissue somewhere…"

The guy wiped his tears off with his sleeve and shook his head. "This song," he mumbled feebly, unable to meet Tsuna's gaze. "It's been ten years. My mother used to sing it to me all the time before she...she…"

Oh  _fuck_. "I'm sorry," Tsuna repeated, patting the guy on the shoulder. "It's a great song and I'm sure your Mum was a great person."

They stayed like that for a few minutes, before the guy stepped back and pulled out a thick wad of cash from his designer wallet. "Please take this," he said earnestly, placing the wad into Tsuna's hand. "I must thank you. You have returned a part of my soul I did not know was missing."

This was getting really melodramatic and outrageous. The guy was offering  _a lot_  of money, and Tsuna couldn't accept that much. "Um mister, I-"

"Gokudera," the guy supplemented with a wan smile, "Gokudera Hayato."

"Sawada Tsunayoshi. But uh it's okay, you don't need to give me this much. I was doing this for fun and I'm sorry I made you cry…"

Gokudera had a steel grip and after struggling for a long moment, Tsuna relented. The guy beamed at him before disappearing into the crowd, leaving him 500,000 yen richer.

Reborn was still missing and the bleak sky was quickly darkening, the wind chilling his bones. With a sigh, Tsuna removed his camera from the tripod and went through the recording. After a long internal struggle, he deleted his hour's worth of work.

How could he upload such intimate content online as comedy?

* * *

Two days later, Tsuna jumped onto a cafeteria table during lunch and shrieked like a banshee, effectively shutting up the surrounding students and staff.

"Mochida!" he bellowed, pointing at the kendo captain sitting at a nearby table with his cronies. Kyoko had apparently dumped him after Tsuna's nude stunt, so he was back with his sausage squad. "I demand a rematch! I challenge you to a spicy noodle competition!"

Before Mochida could respond, a team of Disciplinary Committee members entered the cafeteria with bowls of noodles of varying degrees of spiciness. Another team headed in carrying cameras and cartons of milk. Hibari was not present, but Tsuna had actually gone through the painstaking process of having the challenge authorised by the vice-chairman, so there shouldn't be any trouble.

How he managed to do that, Tsuna had no idea. But Tsuna had used Gokudera's money to buy the noodles and the remainder went to Kusakabe, who turned out to be a lot more lenient than the chairman.

"Oi, No-Good Tsuna!" Mochida shouted back, standing on his own table to glare at Tsuna eye to eye. "You're going to regret this!"

With a sunny smile, Tsuna popped a habanero into his mouth as if it was a cherry tomato. "Bitch please," he retorted, unperturbed by the burning chilli. "Let's begin round one! Have a sip of milk and you're out!"

A guy with a pompadour filled two paper plates with the Korean fire noodles. The first round of noodles were consumed quickly.

"That was easy," Mochida scoffed, licking his chopsticks in a show of bravado. "Are those tears I'm seeing, No-Good Tsuna?"

Tsuna rolled his eyes and gestured for another DC member to serve the next round. Spicy-wise, it wasn't so bad. But the seeds scratched the throat and the noodles tasted sour. Tsuna had remedied that however by adding in plenty of wasabi and hot sauce.

Mochida certainly didn't enjoy the texture or taste though. "Did you cook this?" he growled with a grimace. "This is disgusting."

" _Mochida! Mochida! Mochida!_ " the crowd cheered as the next round was brought to the table. Tsuna grinned at the three habaneros on his plate. Little did Mochida know, there was a little surprise hiding inside one of them.

"See, it's not so bad," Tsuna said a little too sadistically, licking the hot sauce off his lips. "Our favourite kendo captain can surely beat No-Good Tsuna, right?"

Then Mochida bit into the wasabi-stuffed habanero. His eyes and nose ran immediately and simultaneously, and his face turned beet red. A DC member dropped a box of tissues onto his table and poured him a cup of milk. The kendo captain sucked in a breath and Tsuna inwardly cackled - air just made it a lot worse.

"Dying already?" Tsuna asked him innocently, scraping his plate clean. "But we haven't even brought out the Carolina Reapers yet,  _senpai._ "

"You're insane," Mochida said bleakly, no trace of his soul left in his eyes as he finally grabbed the milk. "Fucking. Insane."

"My Mum's an amazing cook, you know," Tsuna answered him sweetly. "You see, her food was so good that everybody wanted to steal it from me. So I spiked everything with chilli, and watched them all suffer."

* * *

Despite having a ridiculously high spice tolerance, Tsuna was not spared from their side-effects. Five minutes later, both him and Mochida had dashed to the toilets to throw up. They proceeded to camp there for another thirty minutes, skipping Nezu-sensei's science class without regrets, until Kusakabe handed them detention slips from the very same teacher.

"Fuck," Mochida barked out, chugging down another litre of milk. Tsuna, who was still as red as a tomato, could only agree.

Kusakabe dragged them to the staff room, made them kneel on the carpet and dropped buckets in front of them, in case they threw up again. "It is against the school rules to skip class," he told them sternly. "Be glad that Kyo-san is not here today."

They weren't allowed to see the school nurse, but Tsuna supposed that was because they weren't in physical danger. "Did you get the video footage?" he quickly asked Kusakabe before he left.

The corners of the vice-chairman's mouth curved up. "Yes," he confirmed.

The door swung shut behind him. When the sound of his footsteps faded out, Tsuna quickly dragged the couch over to barricade it. Then he curtained all the windows and got to work.

"The fuck are you doing?" Mochida mumbled, wiping his face with a tissue. Poor guy, he couldn't even stand. Which was probably why they'd been left unsupervised for the time being.

Tsuna headed over to Nezu-sensei's desk and began pulling out drawers. He found his phone in the top drawer, and was pleased to discover that it still had enough battery to record a video. "We're alone in the staff room. What else would I be doing?" he answered with a shrug.

There was a large fridge in the corner of the room, next to the water dispenser. Tsuna fumbled through its contents, until he found a plastic wrapped sandwich marked with his teacher's name. "Nezu-sensei is the worst teacher I've ever had," Tsuna told his camera, before emptying a tube of wasabi between the bread. "He mocks me in front of the class and always tries to break my spirit. I hope likes wasabi."

Mochida threw up in his bucket. "Why do you carry that shit around, you freak?!"

In fact, Tsuna had stuffed a tube of wasabi and a condom in his pockets in preparation of the final round of his challenge. The loser was supposed to snort up a condom in one nostril and pull it out of his throat, while snorting up a tube of wasabi with the other. Except Tsuna had rushed off to the toilet before any of that had happened.

"You're fucking insane," the kendo captain repeated with disgust.

"Mhmm. This might be a good time to reflect on your behaviour too," Tsuna added, glancing at him with the corner of his eye. "You've bullied me for years, you know."

"Fuck you."

Tsuna stuffed the empty tube of wasabi into the condom. He examined it contemplatively. "Are you sure about that, senpai?"

* * *

It turned out that Reborn had been a home tutor once, and was willing to help Tsuna with his homework when bribed with miso soup and apples for his chameleon. It had been Nana's idea actually, and Tsuna was pretty sure his mother had innocently guilt-tripped him into the impossible task. Furthermore, once Tsuna had won over Leon's affection, his owner had noticeably become less cold and uptight.

"I have a masters degree in mathematics," Reborn admitted one evening, visibly melting at the scent of Nana's cooking downstairs. "It's one of my top 10 time-wasting experiences."

Tsuna frowned at him. "Why would you torture yourself like that?" he questioned. Maths was his least favourite subject, tied with science. Going to university sounded like a horrifying experience, but if his comedy career went according to plan, he wouldn't have to bother.

"It's a long story," Reborn answered cryptically. Suddenly he snapped his fingers, making Tsuna jump. "You forgot to put in the negative sign.  _Pay attention_."

"Fine! But you know, Reborn," Tsuna continued, leaning sideways until his head rested on Reborn's shoulder. "I really appreciate your help. I know I'm holding you here against your will, but you still help me out with filming and studying. No one's done that for me before. So thank you."

"Nobody holds me against my will, No-Good Tsuna."

Tsuna made a face. "Totally a lie. I know you're here because of my dad, and that you'd rather be somewhere else. But you've been such a good friend to me, you know? Whatever your real purpose here is - I'm just grateful I got to meet you."

Reborn was silent for a long time. "You never let me finish my introduction that day," he finally said. "I do not shoot films for a living."

"Well you mentioned you were in the mafia and don't seem like the type to shoot porn, so I kind of figured it out," Tsuna replied, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. "So the mafia sent a hitman after me. One must question his motives, considering that I'm still alive."

"You are a blood relative of the First boss of the Vongola Family, like your father," Reborn explained, "The Ninth boss requested a report on your character to assist with deciding whether you should be nominated as a boss candidate. Upon his approval, I would officially become your home tutor."

"I don't want that kind of life though," Tsuna said, clenching his fists. He would  _never_ be like Iemitsu, abandoning his mother when she needed him the most. "As much as I want you to stay and for you to be my home tutor, this - this mafia business is not for me. I don't want anything to do with it. My  _Mum_ -"

"This life is not for everybody," Reborn agreed. "You are not suited for it."

"Then can you tell your boss that I'm completely unteachable and incompetent so he'll leave me alone?" Tsuna asked hopefully.

"Why do that when there is a better option?" Reborn rolled his eyes at Tsuna's confused expression. "Become  _sensational_ , Tsuna! Be such an influential celebrity that the Vongola simply cannot take away your freedom, without any questions asked."

* * *

The next day, Tsuna arrived at school earlier than his classmates, so he could set up his next - and possibly last - skit at Namimori Middle School. Unlike his other stunts, this one made his heart heavy due to its potential consequences. Not only on his future, but on the future of his teacher, who had been his ultimate bully during Tsuna's years at this school.

He plugged his USB into the computer, bringing up the video he'd made over the weekend with Reborn. It had been the most complex one yet, complete with a choreographed dance and a remix of every one of Nezu-sensei's recorded insults towards Tsuna, which had taken 27 hours to make. After adjusting the volume to full blast, Tsuna reclined in his teacher's chair and waited, ignoring the curious questioning of his fellow classmates as they entered the classroom.

The last to arrive was Nezu-sensei himself, whose expression turned thunderous as he recognised Tsuna in his seat. " _Sawada Tsunayoshi_ ," he snarled, taking off his coat and grabbing a metal ruler from the front desk. "The wasabi in my sandwich-"

"Save it, sensei," Tsuna told him, forcing his voice to remain even. Now was not the time to be afraid or ashamed. He was sick of it all. He'd spent  _too many years_  dreaming of this moment, and it had finally come. "With  _all due respect_ , that was not even proportionate to your usual treatment of me."

"You will not speak to me that way!" was the expected answer. "You have been nothing but a disrespectful student who consistently fails at studying and causes trouble. You should be ashamed of yourself, No-Good Tsuna!"

Fuck, his eyes were prickling now. "But  _you_ turned me into this, sensei. You turned everyone against me and made me feel completely alone. And despite being my teacher, you have done nothing but kick me further into the ground," Tsuna continued, struggling to keep the smile plastered on his face. He dropped his voice to a whisper. "Are you proud of yourself? Can you really look me in the eye and tell me I deserved it?"

This skit was different. As ridiculous and humorous as it had seemed on the surface, it masked years of deep hurt, but it was also a desperate attempt to be  _understood_. Taking a deep breath, Tsuna hit the play button.

"This is DJ Tsuna in the house!" the video began, "And this is the Nezu-remix!"

As the compilation of insults played out, Tsuna laughed and laughed at himself in the video, dressed in an exaggerated impersonation of his teacher. He stayed like that, dancing along as his shocked classmates whipped out their phones to record, immortalising this moment. It was hilarious. It was absurd. They were all terrible, self-centred beings oblivious to anyone else's pain. They thought this was mere  _entertainment_.

When Hibari kicked the door down and dragged him out, Tsuna had no more regrets at the school that had given him nothing but misery.

"Smile for the cameras, sensei," were his last words. " _And fuck you all_."

* * *

In the end, Tsuna was suspended for three weeks. One of these days, he was going to discuss transferring to another school with his mother, but in the meantime, he was stuck in hospital with broken ribs and limbs - the consequence of his last stunt. And god, Hibari had kicked his ass so fucking hard he thought he was a goner.

It was lonely, being in hospital. Tsuna had his phone within reach and permanently plugged into the power socket, but there was no internet. His mother had sent him a wall of messages, half terrified about his condition and half imploring him to quit his comedy skits. As much as it hurt that she wanted him to give up, he knew she was saying these things because she cared, and had sent Reborn over to calm her down.

On the third day of absolute boredom, the nurse brought in a familiar-looking patient around Tsuna's age, who was blankly staring straight ahead, as if still in shock. The nurse seated him by the window, checked the cast on his wrist and promised to return with refreshments.

' _Yamamoto_ ,' the nurse had called him. From his bedridden position, Tsuna squinted at the black haired teenager, who was most definitely Yamamoto Takeshi, the captain of his school's baseball team. And when Yamamoto phoned his father, his demeanour was so utterly devastated that Tsuna's heart clenched in his chest, even though he himself had sustained way more serious injuries than just a broken arm.

"Hey Yamamoto," Tsuna began softly, when the other teenager sunk back into his seat and tossed his phone onto a nearby bed. "I'm sorry about your arm. It'll heal, you know?"

If Yamamoto was surprised that he was sharing a room with Tsuna, he didn't show it. "It's over," he said stubbornly, averting his gaze. "The Baseball Gods have thrown me away."

Tsuna was pretty sure the Intellectual Gods had thrown him away since the day he was born, but joking about his own situation would probably be unhelpful. "How long did the doctors say it'll take to heal?" he tried instead.

"About two months. But my arm will never be the same."

They were currently on the fifth floor, just beneath the rooftop, and the way his classmate was sticking his head outside the window sent alarms ringing through Tsuna's head. And it was heartbreaking to see him in that state, because Yamamoto was always the popular kid at school, full of positive energy. "Yamamoto," Tsuna asked hesitantly, when the silence was too heavy to bear, "Are you having thoughts on suicide?"

Yamamoto's laugh was humourless. "Maybe. I don't know. What's the point anymore?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tsuna patted the side of his bed. "You can come over here if you want, I'm here to listen. And...could you please close the window? It's freezing outside and I'm kind of stuck to this bed because of my ribs."

Yamamoto blinked, and quickly slid the window shut. "Sorry," he murmured, taking a seat beside Tsuna. He stared at his cast. "You were right, you know. The people whom I thought were my friends...they were never really there for me."

"Fuck them all," Tsuna agreed. "No offence."

The other teenager's expression became pained. "I'm sorry - those guys have treated you much worse. But you've been pretty cool lately, Tsuna. The way you handled Mochida and Nezu-sensei - your videos have gone kind of viral now."

Tsuna offered him a small smile. "Someone once told me that the best things in life can happen when you stop giving a fuck. The bullying really got to me, you know. But then I thought, if everyone laughed at me for everything I did or said, then why not make a career out of it? Life is absurd anyway, and laughter can heal."

"Don't let your dreams be dreams," Yamamoto replied solemnly, staring at his broken arm again. "The local newspaper wanted to write an article about you too, especially after Nezu-sensei got fired."

Damn, Tsuna hoped he wasn't going to get sued for defamation over that video. But it would be counterproductive as he had no money, and once something was on the internet, it stayed there forever, regardless of their right to be forgotten. "I was going to release my new video today but I have no internet," he said, going through the videos on his phone. "Wanna see the rest of my collection?"

"Uh, sure," Yamamoto answered after a moment of hesitation. He leaned closer to the phone. "Is... Is that a baby chihuahua you're running away from?"

"It's demonspawn," Tsuna protested, trying to ignore the dog's pointy fangs. He pulled up the next video of him trying to kill a cockroach in his boxers and his mother's dressing gown. The content was by no means popular, but he had a few hundred followers by now. Plus, people were re-uploading his videos on sites outside NicoNico, bringing him more international viewers.

They went through all of Tsuna's videos, drawing varied reactions from Yamamoto, from horrified to hysterical to mildly amused. Of course Tsuna laughed at his own content - at least as much as his broken ribs would allow him - because they were ridiculous, the behind-the-scenes clips were ridiculous, and laughter and happiness were infectious. And Yamamoto, who was going through a rough patch in life, could really do with some humour.

"Thank you, Tsuna," his classmate said at last, chuckling at the video of Tsuna attempting to fix his balding head by becoming even more bald. "It's been a long time since I had my last genuine laugh. It's amazing...humour can truly make someone feel better."

* * *

It had taken quite a bit of effort to convince Tsuna's mother that her son wasn't going to die and leave her like her husband. But Reborn had managed to calm her down, and as much as he had been reluctant to involve himself in the life of Sawada Tsunayoshi, he couldn't exactly keep him out of his mind over the next few days.

He had to admit, the child had really grown on him over the past week. He'd taken Reborn on a wild adventure, and even Colonello had observed changes in his behaviour - apparently Reborn had become less 'stuck-up' and more 'fun,' all thanks to Tsuna's infectious personality.

While Tsuna was confined to a bed for a few weeks, Reborn took this opportunity to go back to Italy. Not to Mafia Island - the weapons exhibitions were ending today anyway - but to visit the Vongola Mansion. He'd received a special invitation from Vongola Nono to discuss succession matters, and it was a bonus that Xanxus, the current Varia boss and fellow Decimo candidate, was also present.

He decided to speak to Xanxus first, on the evening he arrived in Palermo. The Varia boss was drinking at his desk, responsibility absent from his mind. However, Reborn was one of the few who knew that the scarred man had only recently been released from his ice prison, and still had the maturity and fragility of a man 8 years younger. Which was going to make talking to him much easier.

Beside Xanxus, Squalo eyed the dossier Reborn had set down with suspicion. "Voi! I know this guy!" he suddenly exclaimed, widening his eyes at the name on the cover. "Boss, he's the one who sent his hair on fire and cockblocked his bully in his boxers!"

Reborn raised an eyebrow. The videos had spread to Italy, and to the Sicilian mafia? Tsuna was still relatively unknown in Japan after all.

"Spicy noodle challenge," Xanxus offered gruffly. "I like him."

Squalo turned a faint shade of green. "Boss, let's  _not_ talk about that time our entire Lightning Squad went out of commission because they're fucking masochists and forced themselves to win!"

Now Reborn was  _really_ curious. "How did you find out about No-Good Tsuna?" he asked, using Tsuna's online handle.

"Some of our younger recruits are well-acquainted with internet culture," Squalo explained, still glaring at Xanxus. "The kid's remix about his teacher went viral. Our boys loved it and soon his memes popped up everywhere in our mansion."

Reborn being impressed was an understatement. "Then perhaps you will be more interested in his actual identity," he told them, opening the dossier and flipping to the portrait of the comedian. "This is Tsunayoshi Sawada - student, internet sensation and… potential Vongola Decimo candidate."

Xanxus snickered at Tsuna's scrunched up face. " _When it's April 2nd and she's still pregnant_ ," he captioned.

"Voi, boss, No-Good Tsuna is underage. ' _When your mother catches you masturbating_ ," Squalo amended.

Reborn loudly cleared his throat. "Gentlemen," he interrupted evenly, because while he understood the nature of memes, it just felt  _wrong_  that these people had such images of Tsuna in their heads, "As I was saying-"

" _When the person you hooked up with wants you to meet their parents_ ," Xanxus argued.

" _When you discover your boss' porn stash!_ "

Xanxus' shot glass went flying in the air towards Squalo's head. Just as the glass shattered over the latter's silver locks, Belphegor burst into the room, grinning as he snapped the scene with his camera. " _When your boyfriend is going out at 10pm so you schedule an argument at 9:45pm_ ," he gleefully captioned, before dashing the hell out of the room.

" _VOOOOOOOOOI YOU DAMN BRAT!_ " Squalo howled, as Xanxus burst into laughter.

Reborn heaved a sigh of resignation and adjusted his fedora. "Sawada Tsunayoshi does not wish to inherit the Vongola," he said before his departure. "Instead, he intends to pursue a career in comedy."

"Good for him," Xanxus said, chugging down the rest of tequila straight from the bottle. "It's the shitty shark's birthday next month. We're hiring him."

Reborn smiled.  _Perfect_.

* * *

Ten years later

"Mafia Island, huh," Tsuna mused, gazing at the clear blue waters from the  _Opulenza_  liner as he sipped Reborn's pinot noir. "Talk about high-end luxury and picturesque views. And those oyster platters are simply divi- oh for heaven's sake, Reborn,  _that's my wig you're pulling_."

"I love all your perfect imperfections," Reborn murmured, wrapping his arms Tsuna's shoulders. The wig slipped off, revealing a bald patch on Tsuna's head, the remnant of time he'd set his hair on fire. "I've always wanted to take you to this place."

Tsuna leaned into his embrace and chuckled. "Surely this is better than spying on me from a tree," he joked, turning around to trace the features of Reborn's face with his finger. "You were so cold back then too.  _My name is Reborn and I'm in the Mafia_."

He'd perfected his Reborn impression over the years. Even the Italian accent. His audience loved it, especially those from the mafia, who had ironically become Tsuna's main employers because he was fortunate to have Reborn as his manager. Xanxus had even booked him to talk at his upcoming Vongola Inheritance Ceremony, which wasn't as intimidating as it sounded - he'd gotten to know the Varia personally over the years.

The work and travel around Europe had enabled Tsuna to drop out of school and pick up numerous languages such as Italian, English, Spanish and French. He'd taken his mother abroad too, with the money they had inherited after Iemitsu was legally pronounced dead. He eventually found out that Iemitsu had been living incognito due to his involvement with the mafia, but the latter had merely laughed and promised an even larger inheritance when he  _really_ died.

Not that Tsuna needed the money - he and Reborn were doing well just fine, despite Reborn not having taken a contract in months. But Iemitsu owed everything in his will to his mother at least, for disappearing from her life all those years ago.

"You know, I would swim the ocean for you," Reborn began, reclaiming his wine glass and licking the residue from Tsuna's lips. Then he frowned. "But there are sharks in there."

Tsuna rolled his eyes. "You've thrown me to the sharks before. That Varia show ten years ago, on Squalo's birthday - do I have to remind you that I had zero experience in stand-up comedy back then?"

"But you performed brilliantly," Reborn demurred. "And your puns kill me every time."

Tsuna was about to lean in for a kiss, when there was an explosion in the distance. All eyes turned to the sky, where a fleet of ominous-looking airships were swarming towards Mafia Island. Tsuna's drone soared into the air to record as Leon morphed into a pair of binoculars around Reborn's neck. Memories flooded him - of being fourteen and new to this comedy business, risking his life for outrageous stunts for the sake of views.

Reborn suddenly snorted, setting down his Leonoculars. "That lackey came with the Carcassa? Ridiculous. Colonello's got us covered." True to his word, there was a deafening barrage of gunshots, and all the airships promptly went down...and a purple haired man dropped from the sky, to his ultimate demise.

...Except the octopus on his back inflated and cushioned his fall, happy to be returned to its natural habitat. The guy stood on top of it, spluttering in rage with his high-pitched voice, before whipping out his compact mirror to re-apply his purple lipstick.

Tsuna's eyes widened. That man - he was -

"Ladies and gentlemen," he announced, in his stage voice that drew in crowds. He grabbed Reborn's hand and they walked to the boat's railing, so they were within earshot of the man in the water. "My story began ten years ago, on a winter's afternoon, with this gentleman and his octopus on a motorbike… And Fate has graced us with another encounter!"

And Tsuna laughed good-naturedly, because this time it was Skull who was bewildered, and because there was always something hilarious about the purple-clad man who had inspired Tsuna to go on this path of comedy. It had been Skull who'd driven Tsuna to frantically pace around his backyard tree, which had led to meeting the love of his life. As such, he offered a hand to the man in the water and pulled him onto the deck, grinning from ear to ear.

"You're No-Good Tsuna," Skull gushed, gaping at him, despite Tsuna's missing wig. "M-May I have an autograph?"

He could have more than just an autograph. He had no idea how grateful Tsuna was, that the latter would gladly give him a job on his crew if Skull wished for it. They could always use a stuntman who could cheat death, regardless of the beef Reborn had with him.

"I happen to have a show tonight, and it would be an honour to have the Great Skull-sama join my stage," Tsuna invited, turning around to wink at Reborn. "Together, I am certain that the show will be  _sensational_."


End file.
